That time when my eyes were opened

That time when my eyes were opened
Saw this graphic this morning and it hit me in all the feels. 

Had a past relationship that started out great, but then went down hill.

I knew things weren't perfect, I didn't expect perfect, but I knew I shouldn't be being treated the way that I was.   But I didn't think of it as "abuse" because he didn't HIT me.   I didn't realize all the ways I WAS being abused until I took a Women's Studies course my junior year of college.  My eyes were really opened during that course.

To learn and understand that abuse was more encompassing than getting hit.  Yes, I dealt with pushing and shoving, my hair pulled more than a few times, but he never "hit" me.   But to look back and see the other ways I was abused, even if he didn't realize it either.  The mental abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse....

Mental/Emotional - being told I wasn't good enough, that what I thought didn't matter, that I was the one asking for it.  My ears were to big and my boobs were too small.  If we were going out with his friends, he'd tell me not to wear my hair up.   I remember being at work and a male friend asked if I could take his picture so he had something to mail his girlfriend cause he didn't have a camera of his own.  When we picked up the pictures from getting developed (yes, I'm telling my age) he got pissed and punched the radio in the car because he swore I was cheating on him.

Financial - When we were together, I worked part time and received a paper check.  I would give that to him and he'd deposit into his account.  He would go out with his buddies but when I'd ask for money to get necessities, I had to give valid reason and justify my request.

Spiritual - Have you ever had that conversation about doctors and God?  If someone you loved was seriously injured, who would you turn to?  My answer has always been both.  God to have his hands on the doctors who have their hands on the person I loved.   You will never change my mind on that.  But that wasn't good enough for him.  It was one or the other.   Or to listen to his talk about how he could write a book, bury it, have it found 2000 years later and that IT could be considered gospel. 

Abuse is not abuse only if its physical.  PLEASE understand that.

Reach out, message me, message a friend.....
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I stepped into my past yesterday....

I stepped into my past yesterday....

I sat down yesterday to write out where I was 5, almost 6 years ago, what I found that made a difference to my and my family, and how we are doing now because of it.  What I ended up doing was writing down some of the actual events of my past.  It was harder than I thought it would be.  

Instead of trying to give a high level, broad overview of what my past involved, like I'm so used to doing, I tried to be more specific.   I needed to be specific for myself but also for other women who are dealing with scarred pasts.  I don't want to relive my past by any means, but I also don't want to write it off like it didn't happen the way it actually happened.  I can't heal from my abusive past if I don't actually acknowledge my abusive past for what it was.  

Your story is the key that can unlock someone else's prison. 

I survived.  I've moved on.   I've remarried and 2 additional children.  

I'm still healing in so many ways, but, as I was writing yesterday, I realized just how much I actually have grown since then.  When I've briefly told my story before I've had people tell me how amazingly strong I am.  But I didn't believe them cause I didn't see it.  Its still hard to see it.  I just see me....I see that I did what I had to do to get where I am, for myself, my husband, my family.  I don't see anything spectacular.  

But when I put pen to paper and see what I did actually deal with....

Maybe I'm beginning to see the woman that other people can already see.
If this hits home with you, even a little, and you want to follow me on my random squirrel adventures, subscribe by clicking here!  Too Tired To...Squirrel!

What are you listening to?

What are you listening to?
I've heard it.

You've heard it.

You're going thru your day, things are going great!  You're being productive and looking at doing some new things.

Then you hear it: 

"you don't deserve this"
"your not good enough"
"I've already failed so many times before"

What does that voice whisper to you?  

Mine, "Keep quiet, no one really wants to hear what you have to say anyway"   

This comes from years of mental abuse in a past relationship.  Anytime I wanted to talk about something deeper that hi, hello, how are ya, he'd end up cutting me off or he'd immediately go on the defensive and turn everything around and into a fight.  So what did I learn to do?  Keep my mouth shut, he didn't want or care to hear what I had to say.

How is that hurting me now?  

I don't always stand up for myself.  I hold back on talking to someone when I know they just need a kind word.  I don't live up to my potential because I don't open my mouth and share the knowledge that I have.  And because I don't speak up, others don't ask my for opinion or feedback or thoughts......ingraining deeper that no one wants to hear what I have to say.

Are you living out the lies your voice whispers? 

"I've already failed so many times before" - So why not just give up and fail again which is only going to strengthen that lie?

"I'm not good enough" - So why try harder, why give it my best, I'm not good enough anyway.

Acknowledge it, name it, but don't believe in it.  

Learn from it and grow from it.

I've heard the line in several movies...."the best way to avoid a trap is to know its there."  

If you can figure out what that voice is saying to you, whether it has one line repeated over and over or if its several things, you can then confront that belief that is limiting your true potential.

Change the people you are hanging with; change the music you're listening to; change the way you think.

I know, easier said than done.  Trust me I know, been working on this for years.  The more ingrained those negative thoughts are the longer it can take to get away from them, but it is possible.




If this resonated with you, check out this guide for more ways to Find Yourself Again and also come find support in our FB Community Too Tired To Mom.
If this hits home with you, even a little, and you want to follow me on my random squirrel adventures, subscribe by clicking here!  Too Tired To...Squirrel!

Do you wear glasses??

Do you wear glasses??

I've done the medicated route - I've done the unmedicated route.


For me - I just need glasses.


Trust me, I know that meds don't solve all my problems but that's where friendships, coping skills, and my oils come in to play.


I use my oils for natural health and to compliment my meds.....

...when I need a little extra help focusing.
...when I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and need a little help to calm down and center myself again.
...when I'm being hard on myself for what I see as screw-ups and just need to forgive myself and keep going.


As The ADHD Mama says this video, if you need glasses you need glasses. You may need a little help or you may be like me and your hand goes fuzzy 6 inches in front of your face.


Trust me....you don't want me driving around without my glasses/contacts......just trouble waiting to happen.


Any of this sound familiar?


If you aren't sure what options could help you out, reach out!


I'd love to chat with you!




And if this really resonates with you, check out this guide to Finding Yourself Again and also come find support in our FB Community Too Tired To Mom.
If this hits home with you, even a little, and you want to follow me on my random squirrel adventures, subscribe by clicking here!  Too Tired To...Squirrel!

Hormonal Squirrels - What's the Connection?

Hormonal Squirrels - What's the Connection?
Ha ha - here we go again with squirrels.....well...there's a reason.

Did you know that there is a HUGE correlation between issues with your endocrine system (hormone factory of the body) and the disruption of brain development that can sometimes lead to ADHD (squirrel issues)?

Our endocrine system is a collection of glands that produce hormones that regulate metabolism, growth and development, tissue function, reproduction, sleep, and mood.   This body system is SO incredibly sensitive it can be altered by a change no bigger than one tenth of a trillion of a gram?   I'd say that's pretty touchy.

Did you know there's was a 43% increase in reported cases of ADHD between 2003 and 2011?  Or that cases of Autism have risen 119% since 2000?  But what does that have to do with our hormones?   Endocrine disruptors are synthetic chemicals hidden in products we interact with DAILY.  When's the last time you REALLY looked at the ingredient list on something?

  • cosmetics
  • toothpaste
  • detergents
  • medicines
  • pesticides
In small doses this may not do much.....but when you brush your teeth twice daily?  Wash you and your family's clothes weekly, when you put your make up on every morning?    How old are you?  20 something? 30 something?   So that means, if my parents started brushing my teeth at the age of one, and I've only ever brushed my teeth once a day, by the time I turn 40 I have exposed myself to the endocrine disrupting chemicals in toothpaste 14,235 times!!    1 grain of salt may not do much but if you put a cup of salt in a recipe, it will definitely throw things off.

My challenge to you, should you choose to accept it, next time you grab your toothpaste to brush your teeth....take a look at the list of ingredients and google a couple of them.



If you found this helpful, check out this guide for more ways to Find Yourself Again and also come find support in our FB Community Too Tired To Mom.
If this hits home with you, even a little, and you want to follow me on my random squirrel adventures, subscribe by clicking here!  Too Tired To...Squirrel!
 
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