FINDING MYSELF AGAIN AMUNG THE SCARS AND SQUIRRELS

 
So, a little about myself. I had an emotionally and physically abusive first marriage.  By the time I was divorced and then had met my now-husband, I had little to no self-esteem, no self-confidence, my personal faith had been eaten away at.  Not only was I battling ADHD squirrels, anxiety, and depression, I also no longer knew who I really even was.  I remarried in 2009 and started to find myself again and make friends, but still didn't have any real CLOSE friends.  I've been able to put on a smile and a front in public and around people for a long time, and was good enough at it that no one really knew what's going on behind the scenes.

In 2015 my husbands job moved us to Ohio where we were about 14 hours away from family and friends.  We had 2 littles of our own, 2yrs and 6 months and my oldest had gone to live with his dad a few years before.   I didn't know a sole and tried meeting other moms through playdates and such, but wasn't really connecting with anyone.   

Then our 2yr old decided she was no longer going to go to bed at night....to the point of waking her baby brother up in the process of fighting it.  We were trying everything we could think of:  taking away naps, lights on, lights off, closet door open, shut....we'd take turns laying on her floor waiting for her to fall asleep.  Lot a good that did, after a couple hours we'd start to sneak out and she'd pop her head up and ask us where we were going.  Got desperate enough that I reached out on Facebook with one of those page and a half pleas for help.  

Somehow I was connected with Kristen, now one of my closest friends.  At that time she had 4 kids of her own, all under the age of 5 and made it clear in conversation that she knew very well what I was going thru, even what it was like to not really have any friends.   She'd found something that helped her kids sleep at night and sent me some to try.   What started as about a 2 hour battle was only about an hour that first night.....second and third night were about 30-45 minutes.....I was personally sold.  Give me more now, please, I need this in my home.  With her going down easier at night I noticed the stress in our home dissipate.  My husband and I weren't fighting as much, we were getting better sleep.   

2 really important things happened that week:
1) I was introduced to a healthier way of caring for my family.
2) I was invited into a community of people that have, over the years, become a second family.

As I look back over that last several years and look at where I was compared to where I am now....I almost don't recognize the mom I was back then.  Because of my second family, my family is healthier and we are taking better care of ourselves.  But more than that, my faith is stronger and my self-esteem has improved.  Because of them and their support and love, my confidence has grown in that I'm now feeling more comfortable in sharing about my past and what my journey of healing has looked like.

Because of that experience 6 years ago my family and I are living healthier and happier lives.  But more than that, I love the person I'm becoming, mentally and physically.  Everyday I look forward sharing this lifestyle and this community with other women who fighting to take care of themselves and their families.  

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